The Price of Being Beautiful

Can you believe it? They put me on a diet. A diet! That's not fat it's muscle. Big deal I weigh more than most of my kind. So are all people the exact same size? I don't think so. At least she still lets me have my ice cream. Not so much but some. Better than nothing.
Well, this part of the year is not Mom's favorite but I don't think she minds it as much as last year. We got some great neighbors. The lady from across the street just vacuumed the front yard and took up all the leaves. She has this huge machine that sucks them up just like they were lint on a carpet. And I know about lint. If you scratch your claws against a carpet it forms little balls of lint. I don't bother to taste them anymore. I tried it once and it was yucky.
I guess the only thing I really do to bug mom is steal things. I won't keep them I just redesign them. Just munch on them till they are in a mangled ball (No matter what it is I can make a ball.) The ball is much easier to handle, you'd think she would appreciate my efforts. But it bugs her and she chases me all around the house till she tricks me into dropping it. But I do my best to keep her on her toes. She used to yell, and it scared me, so I would drop whatever it was. But I got wise to that and now she has to really trick me. Today was the topper though. I found a plastic thing in her office and she didn't see me get it. So she sneaks up on me and lunges. I got away but then she goes for my leash. Not fair, that means a ride or a trip to the doctor (which I love because they fuss over me and I like that). Just went to the doctor so that means a ride. Right? Nooo, she put on the leash and then went to retrieve what I stole. Okay, I was naughty but that was so not fair.